Aquarius Jan 11 - Feb 18 You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are stupid.
Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA or FBI. You have minor influence over your associates and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals.
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick.
Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull headed. You are nothing but a goddamn communist asshole.
Gemini May 21 - Jun 20 You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.
Cancer Jun 21 - Jul 22 You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you'll always be on welfare and never be worth a shit.
Leo Jul 23 - Aug 22 You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are always thieving bastards.
Virgo Aug 23 - Sep 22 You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while making love. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
Libra Sep 23 - Oct 22 You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a man you are more than likely a queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are excellent whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
Scorpio Oct 23 - Nov 21 You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve a pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a plus perfect son of a bitch. Most scorpios are murdered.
Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21 You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks and dope fiends. People laugh at you a great deal because you are always getting fucked.
Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 10 You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of anything and are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still for long periods as they tend to attract the fucking bugs.
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