Grappige Citaten

[D.Nibelung]

Oorspronkelijk geplaatst door Sergeant Hartman

You better unfuck yourself before I unscrew your head and shit down your neck!

[BitterSweet]

Eet maar Freud,dan blijf je Jung.

Harry Mulisch

[largo_w]

Oorspronkelijk geplaatst door eno2

Dandy
Vergeet niet, als je Nemesis ontmoet, haar een rottrap in haar kont te geven.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

Oorspronkelijk geplaatst door eno2

Halve zot
Daarom is het beter hete jonge vrouwen af te wijzen, ipv van ze te achtervolgen met vruchteloze huwelijksaanzoeken, zoals Nietsche

Wahahah da man was een lady killer je bent jaloers...
Plus zijn manier van doen maakte van hem de genie zoals wij hem kennen...
Maar blijft dat hij toch wat "gewacked" was in de kop!

Oorspronkelijk geplaatst door eno2

zatlap
gelukkig beschikte Baudelaire over de alternatieve paradijzen van chemische verslavingen om l'ennuie te verdrijven

Neen volgens mij was het puur drinkbaar zijn probleem.
Of vergis ik mij?

Ik heb een paar nieuwe:

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. (socrates)
->clochard
You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.(einstein)
->veel TE slim
I know you are here to kill me.
Shoot, coward, you are only going to kill a man.' - facing his assassin (che)
->communist (jah die was zeker echt onder invloed van één of ander groen of wit spul...)

[BigF]

B. Hicks;

If you don't believe drugs have done good things for us, then go home and burn all your records, all your tapes, and all your CDs because every one of those artists who have made brilliant music and enhanced your lives? RrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrEAL fucking high on drugs. The Beatles were so fucking high they let Ringo sing a few songs.

Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.

Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn't the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit... unnatural? You know what I mean? It's nature. How do you make nature against the fucking law?

I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.

It's great to be here. I thank you. Ah, I've been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time.

The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That's pretty fucking cruel isn't it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too?

I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side.

What do atheists scream when they come?"

What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn't it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, "It's gonna be worth it!"

It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks pretty good to me right now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer's pussy right now.

People come up to me and say, "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile." "Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?"

To my delight, I find that there is a different warning on each pack of cigarettes. Mine says: "Warning: Smoking can cause fetal damage or premature birth." Fuck it – I've found my brand! "Yeah, give me a carton of Low Birth Weights." Just don't get the ones that say lung cancer, you know? Shop around. It is your body.

It's a half-hour weekly show that I will host, entitled Let's Hunt and Kill Billy Ray Cyrus. It's a fairly self-explanatory concept: Each week we let the hounds of hell loose and chase that no-talent cracker asshole across the globe until I catch him by that fruity ponytail, pull him to his knees, and put a shotgun in his mouth like a big black cock of death [boom] and we'll be back in '95 with Let's Hunt and Kill Michael Bolton.

I used to drink, I did. I had to quit. Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I'd get pulled over by the cops, I'd be so drunk I'd be out dancing in their lights thinking I'd made it to the next club.

[eno2]

Wahahah da man was een lady killer je bent jaloers...
Plus zijn manier van doen maakte van hem de genie zoals wij hem kennen...
Maar blijft dat hij toch wat "gewacked" was in de kop!

Lady-killer van de derde garnituur.
Vraag het maar eens aan Lou Salomé.

[eno2]

Neen volgens mij was het puur drinkbaar zijn probleem.
Of vergis ik mij?

Ja;
Zijn probleem was "Le Paradis Artificiel'.

[eno2]

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. (socrates)

Dat moet hij zeggen: hij had twee vrouwen plus hij zat achter de jongens aan.

[eno2]

Oorspronkelijk geplaatst door BitterSweet

Eet maar Freud,dan blijf je Jung.

Harry Mulisch

Forever Young, maar zonder Freud (Bob Dylan)

[eno2]

Men vroeg aan Ghandi bijzijn eerste bezoek aan Engeland wat hij van de westerse cultuur vond.

Ghandi:

"De westerse cultuur? Dat zou een goed idee zijn."